Needy people can be among the most difficult aspects of any relationship.
Fortunately, not only is it relatively easy to vet which people are overly needy, and which are less high maintenance, there are ways to understand how to deal with them effectively, without killing them.
What Makes a Person Needy?
Humans develop their manner of dealing with their significant others based on how they learned to relate to their parents and past romantic partners.
Social scientists refer to the manner that we relate to significant others as our “attachment style.”
Logically, when we learn to recognize the attachment styles of ourselves as well as others,
we can better understand our psychological issues as well as how to deal with them.
Anatomy of Attachment Styles
Attachment styles can be categorized in two dimensions: avoidance of closeness, and fear of abandonment.
Within these two dimensions, people can be classified as either low or high in either of these categories.
These lead to four attachment types: assured, needy, distant, and scared.
Being in a relationship with someone who is needy is usually an emotional nightmare.
By contrast, a relationship with a person who is assured can hold the best prospect of being happy and long-term.
The Assured Man/Woman.
The man or woman who is assured holds little fear of being abandoned and does not avoid closeness.
This type of person does not worry that their significant other will abandon them,
or that others won’t accept them when they express themselves.
This affinity for closeness also leads them to be comfortable leaning on someone else, as well as leading others to be comfortable leaning on them.
When a woman tells the assured man that she is going out for a “girl’s night out,”
he wishes her well simply because he knows that when the evening is over, she will be coming back to him.
The Needy Man/Woman.
Being with the needy man or woman can be very difficult because they live in constant fear that they will be dumped at a moment’s notice.
They will also tend to complain about the degree of closeness that they experience after the relationship has progressed.
Paranoia and jealousy can run rampant in this kind of relationship.
For example, if the man happens to like Porsches and she catches him looking at one across the street, she might complain at him that he is, in fact, ogling the girls.
Being in this kind of relationship can be difficult at best, and a living hell at worst.
If you find yourself in this kind of relationship, it’s best to get out, but if you find yourself stuck,
the best way to deal with it is to constantly reassure the significant other in the relationship
of your commitment to it and to work to establish boundaries within that relationship.
The Distant Man/Woman.
This kind of relationship isn’t difficult, but it does take some getting used to.
The significant other in this kind of relationship isn’t very concerned about being abandoned since they aren’t that crazy about intimacy anyway.
This is the kind of man or woman who might be nice to hook up with,
but when it comes time to establish a relationship, the prospects of any closeness in such a situation aren’t very good.
The distant man or woman has established a high opinion of themselves and doesn’t care what others think of them.
A relationship with such a person can be difficult, but it doesn’t matter to them anyway.
Distant people don’t tend to have a lot of friends, so it’s easy to detect this person before it’s too late.
The Scared Man/Woman.
A scared man or woman lives in constant fear of being abandoned, and, as a result avoids closeness at all costs.
This person might seriously want a relationship, but jealousy keeps them from having one.
Having a successful relationship with a person of this type will take a lot of hard work and assurance that you are here to stay.
Track record will be important to keeping this relationship from going bad.
Faithfulness will go a long way to making this person comfortable with anyone.
Understanding where a person is coming from in a relationship goes a long way towards dealing with their behaviors.
Regardless of the type of person they are, knowing which type they are will lead you to be able to form effective strategies that will let that relationship get to the finish line.