Needy Men (How Not To Be One) - Don't be that clingy guy... or girl!
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When you are stuck in a relationship that is bad it can become soul destroying.
You don’t know what to do.
It is hard to see a way out.
How do I know all this? Well I have been stuck in more than my fair share of bad marriages and bad relationships. There have been times where I have needed to grow a pair of balls to get out of the situation.
Learn from my mistakes
Once bitten twice shy is not just a phrase from years gone past. It is a sentence to live by.
Ideally you would not get into a relationship that was crappy in the first place. But I get it. She smiles at you, lures you into bed and before you know it you are buying house together.
Plan your exit strategy
It’s very important to proceed with patience and a cool head. If you lose it right now it could be destructive both financially and emotionally.
You need to keep a cool demeanour and plan ahead.
Start sorting out your financial situation. Make sure you don’t leave yourself open especially if you have joint accounts and credit cards.
Figure out where you are going to live, and where is she going to live.
Open your own bank account, in your name only, and make sure you have enough put aside to keep things going for at least a month should your joint accounts become frozen.
How to do it on the day
Make sure you are sober and well rested before you go ahead with a life changing event.
As bad as it might sound you really need to make sure your plan is in order. Would a ship sail without a course to navigate?
Tell her you need to talk and don’t make it an option.
Explain to her the main issue(s) and why you are leaving. (note how this is not a maybe thing, you need to be concise and explain exactly what is happening)
More often than not, the really crazy ones, have some kind of mental disorder. Here are some of the most common:
BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)
When someone goes into a dark place they become consumed with everything that is happening within their minds. This can make it extremely challenging for their partner whom is trying to give any kind of support.
Often the woman may never be completely cured and at best the problem can be managed.
Don’t get sucked in by good looks
Don’t be fooled by that pretty smile.
Unless you are really into self punishment remember the golden rule:
Average looks and sane beats hot and crazy any day of the week.
If it is too late for you and you are stuck in bad relationship then it is time to start thinking about an exit strategy.
I created this site to help men. There are more than enough resources for woman out there but men really are the forgotten gender when it comes to support and help.
So with that in mind I give this last bit of advice.
Be extremely careful before embarking on a relationship with a woman that has a serious mental disorder.
Part of not being needy includes not letting the woman that you love disrespect you.
Once they smell the blood of neediness a woman can be ruthless to a man. If they think that they can get away with treating you like dirt, unfortunately they will.
But don’t worry there is a way to fight back.
Here is our 3-part method to how to treat disrespect:
When your lady says something disrespectful to you, the first thing you need to do is to fight the urge to respond back.
1 – Don’t answer
There is a saying that states “Silence is worth a thousand words”. Answer the disrespectful statement with nothing except a chilling silence and then move onto step number 2.
2 – Stare
Stare at them with a cold look. Don’t smile, don’t get aggro, just calmly hold eye contact with the witch for a few seconds and then move onto the next step.
2 – Leave
Whereever you are, unless of course it is impossible to, get up and walk away.
No man deserves to be treated like a piece of rubbish.
I have had woman in the past talk to me in a manner that they would not even use on an enemy. It is important to point out that it is definitely not OK and let them know if that is the way they want to speak to you, then you will not be there to listen to it.
Sometimes I have made the mistake of getting mad and yelling or showing that I am upset. That is not the answer as it shows that you are weak and they have an effect on how you feel as a man.
Sometimes you need to act like who you want to be, not what you feel inside.
Training a human being is very much like training an animal or a small child. It will need repetitive reinforcement to work. So the next time it happens, simply rinse and repeat.
If you have another method you either plan to, or have used before please share with us.
Whether it’s your wife that changed after you married her, or the girlfriend you have been dating for six months. One thing is clear – that woman from the first date, is very different to tho the one you are with now.
Why is this?
Why do women change and is there anything we can do about it?
The five steps of relationship change
Unfortunately we don’t have any scientific evidence to back this up, however these are the stages that we have certainly experienced ourselves, and heard about from others.
Month 1-3 “Interest”
This is what is known as the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship. No angry tirades. Jealousy and neediness have not yet kicked in, and everything is great.
Month 3-6 “Trap Set – The Bait”
By the time month 3 is up, the woman has her hook dangling around in front of the unsuspecting man with a big piece of juicy bait just begging to be eaten. The writing as they say.. is on the wall.
She is still the sweet nice girl you met back in the first month although things may seem a little more strained at times, compared to the early days of your dating.
Month 6-12 – “Hooked”
Often the woman will be starting to feel pretty comfortable with where she is at in the relationship by month 6 or 7. What this means for you unfortunately is that the truth is going to be slowly unraveled in front of your very eyes.
That pretty stress free girl that was understanding each time you went out with your friends, and never seemed to get angry will slowly begin to reveal her true colors to you.
This is the time to escape if you can.
She has you hooked.
1 Year plus – “Reeled in”
Everything has changed. You are now like a reeled in fish, twitching around on the ground gasping for life.
You now know exactly who you are in a relationship with.
For many, it is too late.
This may come much later in the relationship, especially if she is trying to get a ring on her finger. Some guys have been dating their girls for years before they show their true colors.
Only one thing is sure, sooner or later the truth will be revealed.
How can we turn back the clock?
Life is about choices.
No-one held a gun to your head and forced you into the relationship you now find yourself in. This leaves us a few options and here they are.
Change the relationship
End the relationship
This may be a tough choice to make, but you know more than anyone, it needs to be made.
If you choose to do nothing, you might as well stop complaining about the problem and just get used to it.
To change the relationship may be tricky, but if she is open to a discussion on the problems, you may get somewhere with that.
Otherwise it may be a good decision to end the relationship.
Insecurity, jealousy and neediness wrap together into a toxic relationship killing formula. What may be a strong bond between a man and a woman will wither and die over time if it is fed little else except the poison of neediness.
What are the signs of neediness in a relationship?
It’s pretty easy to spot the signs of neediness when you take a step back and look at them. If you are the needy person however, it may be difficult for you to come to terms with exactly what is going on.
Most of us have felt insecure in a relationship at some time or another. It’s when you feel unsettled and worried that your partner might not be that happy with you – maybe they will run off with someone else or are secretly flirting with another person.
That’s what insecurity is, but insecure behavior is the manifestation of those fears into your relationship.
Examples of this include questioning about where someone was, who they were with and what they were doing. This shows distrust – unless you are only asking out of interest.
Lets imagine your partner works late at the office one night. Showing insecure behavior would be if you were grilling your partner about who else was at the office and what exactly was going on. Trust and security is just accepting that they were working overtime and leaving it at that.
Worrying about it, and quizzing someone needlessly is not going to help except to weaken your stature in your partners eyes.
Self confidence and security are attractive qualities. Insecure behavior and an obvious lack of confidence is simply not attractive.
Only focusing on the other person and not your own life
Have you given up your friends and hobbies so you can just focus on your relationship?
Well that is a very bad idea!
Spying on your partner
If you have the urge to check your partners phone, and spy on them when you are not with them – then you have a major problem.
This is not normal behavior and you should stop doing that right now.
Yes logging in and checking their email account when they are not around is bad – very bad.
Social media stalking
Are you worried about every new Facebook friend your partner is adding to their friends list?
Do you wonder who exactly they spend their time chatting to on social media?
These are sure signs of needy behavior and if you don’t want to be needy, then stop them.
Mastering Needy Behavior
Now here is the thing, it is possible to be a bit needy inside, but not actually show that you are needy. To accomplish this you need to learn to shut up whenever your mouth tries to burst out something needy.
By acting in a confident manner, your life will improve so much that you will actually become more confident.